GAY BUDDHISTS

          The past 3 months have been unsettling for me.  Meditation has been nearly impossible.  I sit, (or lay), and it's like the world is screaming at me.  Flashes like an old skipping movie pop in my head.  Some are things I know, others are not.

        I try to focus my energy on a tree in my back yard,  a big Acer saccharinum (Sugar Maple) that I have known for as long as I can remember.  Under it are a group of Erythronium americanum (Dogtooth Violet), Dicentra canadensis (Dutchman's Breeches), and several Trillium species.  In Spring when these are in full flower the sunlight hits this spot like it is an alter.  This is peace to me.  Tranquility.  The only thing better would be if this spot was a mile away from everything.  (LOL...   plus add a waterfall.)  I can and have sat litterally in this area for hours.  Just plopped down in a dry spot, or on a rock and just zoned out.

          The beauty that pops into my head is amazing.  Like a slide show of all the hikes I have ever done, all the beautiful spots I've seen while traveling, all the beauty I've seen in art, all the beauty I have had conveyed to me by friends.  Now I just find it so hard to maintain a focus (or lack there of).  I plan to spend a good amount of time today sitting on my rock in the garden.  It is still brown with little green, except the Symplocarpus foetidus (Skunk Cabbage).  I need to focus on life and harmony.

          Watching last years dead leaves blow around, watching new buds swell,  watching the catkins of Hazel Nuts elongate and flower,  watching plants push up through the ground, watching insects scurry across the ground,  watching and listening to birds.  I hope this brings some peace to my wondering mind.

          About 6 months ago a friend mentioned the Gay Buddhists in Pittsburgh.  He sent me a link to a group on Facebook and I joined the group.  After my usual LONG time in considering things I sent an email to the Pittsburgh group.  I am going to the Wednesday meeting.  I will meet with Bhante Pema about a half an hour early for a one on one.  I think sitting in a group of similarly minded people will be of comfort to me.  Maybe my clouded mind will be calmed and I can be at peace once more.