I always contemplate the emotion of love. There is friend type love, casual boy friend type love, and total, make a connection, passionate love. There are just as many levels with in these categories as there are stars in the night sky.
I have friends I have known for 15-20 years that I love very dearly. Even when they get on my nerves. Friends fight. Friends get angry at each other. Friends stop talking to each other sometimes. In the end a true friend is there for you all the time. There is nothing I would not do for my friends (yes a double negative). Perhaps better said, I would do anything for my friends. Vica Versa my friends would do anything for me.
I sat on the phone listening to friends in their times of greatest need. Talking them through frustration, anger, depression, anxiety. I would not trade these times for the world. This is true intimacy between two people. Conversely they have done the same for me. Being able to convey your emotions to another person is one of the most beautiful things in life. To open up to someone when you are at your most vulnerable is the ultimate connection two friends can have. This is the ultimate trust between to friends.
The love between two boyfriends (or girlfriends or a man and a woman) takes this love one step farther (at least for me). When I date someone I begin with no real expectations. In the end I can have an amazing friend or a total connection with another human being. When a friendship has the potential to become sexual, emotions are heightened. This means to me that I have acquired a greater connection to this person than is the norm. This is another level of intimacy. In the natural world this could be considered the courtship stage. This is where two people line up checking each other out to see if they want to create a stronger bond between them.
In nature the Bonobo or the Pygmy Chimpanzee (Pan paniscus) is known for gregarious sexual relationships. In the Bonobo world everything leads to copulation. A frightening experience with a predator can lead to males and females, males and males, and females and females rubbing genitals. This is seen to strengthen the bond between individuals and the group as a whole. Similar responses occur when an individual returns to the group, after two members have a fight, after the group finds a source of food, etc. This is the way Bonobos console each other when a member feels lonely or insecure.
I believe that sexually promiscuous gay men are in fact very lonely or insecure. Like the Bonobo they seek out the special bond with another. Moving from person to person sexually bring then temporary relief and succor. I in no way look down upon these individuals however this is not my way. As hard as I have tried I have a very hard time being sexually liberated. I always considered myself insecure and damaged. But in the end I seek the ultimate intimacy with another and pass upon the temporary intimacy of promiscuity. I believe it is It is natural to make connections with others. We all strive to be intimate. It is in the genes. However it is in Humans that the ultimate form of intimacy occurs.
This form takes the last stage even farther. This is when two people make a total connection into passionate all encompassing love. This type of love I have felt (or at least I think i felt) only fleetingly. This is where two people come together to form a new whole. This is the ultimate intimacy. Intimacy where desire is shared. Intimacy where the emotional and sexual needs and wants of the other are as important as your own needs and wants. This is where all selfishness wanes. Both have accepted the other as they are, but learn to compromise openly. They communicate their needs and wants to one another. I believe this is what each SELF seeks. Some may repress this need to shed their SELF to join with another SELF. In the end we all seek intimacy on various levels.
Our accumulated baggage holds us back from achieving such a WHOLENESS with another. It is only through acceptance and understanding of our own shortcomings, baggage, and damages that we can eventually find such a connection with another. It is only through the acceptance and understanding of our gifts, emotions, and positive qualities that we can find this connection. In the end only a whole SELF can join with another SELF to become WHOLE.
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