POTENTIAL?

          Wow, it is amazing how connected I can feel with someone online.  Just a strange form of communication.  To sit online and play 20 questions with someone who I've only known online for 6mo.  There is something freeing and liberating about chatting with someone online.  For me it is so much easier to talk and "get my gay on" online when there is no personal physical interaction.  LOL.

        After knowing this guy for about 6 months or so, and not really knowing anything about him, I decided to get closer a few weeks ago by asking more about him.  I got the typically adorable, ask me anything, what do you want to know.  This usually means the guy is shy and sans a lot of attitude.  So, after a few conversations, I got more personal.  We played 20 questions, but it turned out to be more like 1,000 questions.  While I know a lot of guys online regularly lie and make up things about themselves to try to make themselves seem great, I don't think this was the case.

         We discussed everything from family, to past relationships, to philosophy.  We discussed creationism, evolution, life on other planets.  We discussed fantasies, and sexual fantasies.  The latter tending to be hard for me to discuss.  It was just an amazing conversation.  After we would discuss something he would usually say "ok, next question", or "ok, I think it is your turn to ask me something.".  After literally several hours, my computer froze up for the first time ever.  It did not come back up till the next day.  Of course the one question I was too afraid to ask was...   would you like to go out sometime.

          This is me being the total dork I am.  Oblivious to the obvious.  Getting caught up in the moment but not seizing it.  LOL.  Having so much in common, and a few thing we disagree on, I really want to get to know this guy more.

          I always get the 20/20 hindsight.  The feeling 20 minutes, and hour, a day, a few days later that I should have said or done something more.  I know we all do this, but how often do I kick myself for something I really wanted to do but didn't ave the courage to do.  Just like in the movie Bambi.   LOL.  How many times have I taken something with great potential and shied away for fear of rejection?  How many times have I taken my own amazing potential for granted.  I can be fairly spontaneous, but in situations where my emotions run deep or begin to run deep, I freeze up.  Like my computer, I lock up and dopamine takes over.  I go with the happy feelings the situation provides and I just don't act or react.  I become oblivious to the potential of the situation.  This is one of the things I need to work on.  After 40 years, I need to work on recognizing potential in everything.